Having a random hookup so left but love u
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
