I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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