just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nutella sex= disaster
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
