Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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