If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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