You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
