Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
