Already got asked if we're dating
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
