She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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