he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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