stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
