I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
