Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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