just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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