; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
