Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
please don't ironically join a cult
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