Duck Duck Cougar?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
