Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
