Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there was a trapeze. enough said
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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