Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
