Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
