I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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