I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
