her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Terrible idea I love it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
