This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
