are you so shy because you have an std?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
