Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
