you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
