your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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