Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
