dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
