You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
