and you said cock pushups were impossible
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
