Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
