i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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