i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
