Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
