is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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