Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
