Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
