i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
