What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
