happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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