You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
