Non-Jews are for practice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
