Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
