Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
