I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
