Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looked like the before picture.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I want her autograph on my taint
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
