Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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