Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
4 words: hood of his car
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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