Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
