I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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