so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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