I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
