Im at strip club and am horny
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
