You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
