I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
